


what's wrong with being selfish?

by amethystwrites



Category: Mum (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 15:22:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18252563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystwrites/pseuds/amethystwrites
Summary: It's Derek's birthday and he has persuaded his family to come along to his mate's new pub down the road to celebrate. As it's not initially everybody's idea of fun, they all have a little too much to drink and it has an effect on Pauline in particular in a way that surprises Cathy.





	what's wrong with being selfish?

Karaoke had been Derek’s idea. It was his birthday and he happened to be...in _rather high spirits_. The family had come to a pub down the road from Cathy’s house that had recently been taken over by one of Derek’s good mates. It was a good job, too, because if they were anywhere else he’d have probably been dragged away from the mic by now. He’d started by singing Sinatra’s My Way - very enthusiastically, to Pauline’s dismay - then decided he was bored of singing alone. First he sang Wonderwall with Jason, now they’d roped Michael in too and they were conferring on what to sing next.  
  
Pauline approached their table with three drinks, setting each in their designated place for who they belonged to.  
  
Cathy raised her eyebrows, surprised at the gesture. “You didn’t have to—”  
  
“We need it.” She responded matter-of-factly, reclaiming her seat next to Cathy.  
  
“What a babe. Thanks, Pauls.” An already very drunk Kelly grinned, swiping her pink gin and lemonade off the table triumphantly.  
  
“Dear God, please never call me that again.”  
  
“What, babe or Pauls?”  
  
“P— well, preferably neither.”  
  
“Ahh, come on Pauline. You’ve got to have a nickname.” Cathy chipped in.  
  
“Thinking about it...I feel like we need one for you, Cathy.” Kelly suggested.  
  
“Another one? How far down my name d’you want to go?”  
  
“What’d you mean?” Kelly asked, oblivious.  
  
“Well Cathy’s already shortened in the first place, isn’t it, love? Then sometimes it’s shortened again to Cath, and-” Cathy watched Kelly rack her brains for a few seconds before she figured she might need to clarify. “My name is actually Catherine, tell me you know that?”  
  
Kelly brought her hand up to her mouth, giggling. “Oh yeah! No, 'course it is. Sorry. I suppose it’s like in school, innit, y’know when you get so used to calling your teacher ‘Miss’ that you just like...totally forget that she does actually have a first name?”  
  
“Well I can’t say we lived similar childhoods, Kelly. I used to call my History teacher Julien all the time. He couldn’t get enough of it.” Pauline deadpanned before she sipped her gin, triggering laughs from the other two that she clearly hadn’t expected (or even intended). There was this tiny, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smile on her face that suggested she was actually quite _pleased_ to have tickled them.  
  
“Oh, watch out—” Cathy brought the others’ attention back to the men, who had started singing. They’d chosen I’m Gonna Be by the Proclaimers. Jason had opted out of this one but remained in the sidelines like their biggest fan, cheering within seconds of the song starting.  
  
“For fucks sake." Pauline rubs her forehead in despair, watching as Derek started marching with Michael as they sang.  
  
“I thought you’d seen Derek in another light, Pauline?”  
  
“Yes, well, Cathy. His issue is he can’t keep fucking in it.” She murmured.  
  
Kelly and Cathy just burst into laughter again, starting to clap along with the rest of the punters who were absolutely loving the performance.  
  
It wasn't not long before the song finished and the men strutted back over triumphantly, revelling in the attention the punters were giving them.  
  
“What’d you think, darlin’?” Derek grinned comically at Pauline, reclaiming his seat beside her and setting an arm around her shoulders comfortably.  
  
“Dire.” Pauline responded, her tone typical of her - cold and emotionless - except that she had another one of those barely-there smiles on her face. It was a smile that Derek mirrored in a way that made it clear they almost had this secret language now, a mutual understanding of each other and how they operate. Pauline _seemed_ embarrassed, and by god she was, but what Derek knew now is that she doesn’t actually _mind_ being embarrassed.  
  
“I think we were alright for a coupla novices, ‘ey Cath?” Michael reclaimed his seat opposite Cathy.  
  
“Novices?” She echoed, raising a brow. “I’ve witnessed what I’ve just seen _far_ too many times to let you call yourself a novice, Michael Roberts.”  
  
Michael shrugs, straightening his collar. “Got to have a bit of humility, haven’t ye?”  
  
“Have you ever done it, Cathy?” The ever-curious Kelly asked.  
  
“Karaoke? No, no. It’s not for me. It's much more fun to watch everybody else making a fool of themselves.”  
  
“Y’ wee liar, yes you have!” Michael argued.  
  
“I think i’d remember if I had, Michael.”  
  
“I beg to differ. Lynn’s birthday that time. You, her, Penny and Sandra. ABBA. Ring any bells?”  
  
“...Oh god, yeah.”  
  
“I bet you were a right little pisshead back in the day, weren’t you Cathy?” Kelly suggested, snorting and giggling.

"Kel!" Jason shook his head, embarrassed at his girlfriend's accusation about his mum.

“Pfft. Never mind just back in the day, that karaoke night was only a few years ago.” Michael told them honestly.  
  
“Oh don't listen to him, Kelly. _No_ , i’m not a pisshead and I wasn’t ‘back in the day’ either.” Cathy defended herself.  
  
“Are you jokin’? Christ, the stories I could tell…” Michael threatened, a mischievous grin on his face.  
  
“Zip it.” She glared at him, swatting his shoulder. “Right...no stories whilst I'm gone, please. I've needed a wee for ages.”  
  
“You must’ve read my mind.” Pauline stood, following Cathy.  
  


* * *

  
Cathy didn't seem to hear very much movement outside of the cubicle she was in, which she found puzzling. When she flushed and came out, Pauline was stood by the sinks as if she was waiting for Cathy to finish. “Have you been?” She asked, confused.  
  
“No.” Pauline admitted casually. “I didn’t need to go.”  
  
“Right.” Cathy frowned, urging the other woman to move out of the way of the sink so she could wash her hands.

“I’m sure you know i’m not one for gossip, Catherine-”  
  
“I _mean_ …” She was about to argue before Pauline continued to speak over her, raising her voice.  
  
“-but i’m going to have to reduce myself to it, just this time, because you and Michael are getting right on my nerves. We all know that something changed on Bonfire Night, yet everything’s seems to still be the same and it’s painfully irritating.”  
  
“I don’t know what you mean.”  
  
“Playing thick doesn’t suit you, Cathy.”

Cathy was silent for a moment as she dried her hands, deliberating how she should go about this. She isn’t thick, neither of them are, so it’s clear where the conversation would go if Cathy allowed it to. Above anything, she was just confused that it was Pauline who’s triggering this conversation. This is a woman who prides herself on not giving a shit about the hardships in anybody’s life except her own.

“All this time you’ve had to play happy families and have a heart-to-heart and you choose here, now, in the loos? Why?” Cathy finally spoke up, turning to look at Pauline.

“Isn’t that what tends to happen after a few drinks? You end up in some shitty bathroom, pouring out your feelings to someone you’d never usually even say hello to on the street?”  
  
“Fair point.”

The silence that returned told Cathy that Pauline wasn’t going to walk her through this. It wasn’t a question and answer session. The questions were common sense. Pauline wanted the answers and it seemed they weren’t going to get very far if she didn’t get them. 

“I told him how I felt-” Cathy began, the awkward silence becoming too excruciating not to fill. “On Bonfire Night, I mean. We'd talked about it just before Summer, he admitted how he felt and it's why we went without speaking for so long. I needed time, I suppose. I spent a lot of that time thinking, realising things. It took me a while to pluck up the courage to vocalise it all, but that night, I did it.”  
  
“ _Right_.” Pauline nodded, appreciating the clarification. She had good enough observation skills to know that _something_ had happened that night, but it helped to know what. “So humour me, because I don’t quite understand how you’ve come stuck since then.”

“It’s just not easy.” Cathy answered, and it takes Pauline a few minutes to realise that it’s all she has to offer without another prompt.

“How?” Pauline pressed, folding her arms.

“Jason..."

"Isn’t a child anymore. Your point?"

“It’s just - it’s hard for him, after Dave. I mean it’s taken _me_ a long time to come to terms with the fact that what I've been feeling is any more than just a side-effect of me missing Dave...but Jason hasn’t been a part of that process, has he? To him, it must look awful. I can’t just throw him into this and expect him to be alright with it.”

“Look...i'll tell you now, Cathy, _my_ mother never cared this much. When she and my dad divorced, she went from new boyfriend to new boyfriend at the drop of a hat. Was I ever consulted? Was I fuck. She was a busy woman, massive socialite. Lots of fancy events to go to, lots of fancy people to meet. She prioritised and I _never_ came first. I'd have quite liked it if I did, just once, but I had to get used to the fact that that’s just not the way things were going to be.”

“Oh i'm sorry, Pauline. I never knew-"

“My point being-” Pauline continued, not feeling like dwelling on the past and certainly not getting any sympathy from Cathy because of it. “You are - and were probably brought up to be - a lot more selfless than I ever have been. You _always_ put everybody else’s needs before your own. Always."  
  
Cathy raised an eyebrow, staring at Pauline in disbelief. “...Thank you?”

“No.” Pauline defended herself almost instantly. “Christ, no, it’s not a compliment. I’m telling you that it’s _irritating_. If you’d have been a bit more selfish, you’d be shagging Michael right now and we could all get on with our lives.”  
  
“Pauline!”  
  
“Well i’m sorry, Cathy, but it’s true.”  
  
“What are you proposing I do, then? And please don’t just repeat what you’ve just said.”

“I’m proposing that you speak to Jason. Properly. Be honest with him. He will need time to adjust, yes, but i'm saying that in the meantime...I think you can afford to be a little bit more selfish.”

Cathy nodded slowly, mulling over her words. She never thought that any advice she received from Pauline would ever be helpful or comforting, but by some miracle it really was. Some of her choice of wording was questionable, sure, but she understood what she was getting at. She'd been holding back with Michael for a while now for numerous reasons, one of which being her fear of upsetting Jason, so maybe Pauline is right; maybe it is time to let go that little bit more. "Thank you, Pauline. Really."  
  
Pauline ignored Cathy’s manners completely, in denial that she had done anything worth being thanked for. “Right, well, before we go back. There’s only so much sap I can take in one day, so-”

“Let me guess. You'd rather them lot not know we’ve been bonding?”

“Not the word i’d use, but, exactly."

“Don't worry. If they ask, i’ll say you were sorting out my hair because you thought it looked a mess.”

“Brilliant. Believable.” Pauline nodded, hesitating before she left to start inspecting Cathy's hair. “Do you know what, now you say it, it probably could do with a bit of-”

“Out.” Cathy warned, shooing the other woman out of the bathroom.  
  


* * *

   
  
“You were ages. We thought you’d both fallen down the toilet.” Derek said as Pauline and Cathy returned, laughing obnoxiously at his own joke.  
  
“I know, sorry, I was faffing with my hair. Pauline said it looked like a bird’s nest.”

“Now that’s not nice, is it love? Come on, no being rude to my big sis on my birthday.” Derek tutted at Pauline as she sat back down next to him.  
  
Cathy smiled at Pauline, who flashed something of one back - as much of one as she could manage, probably - as they both had a moment of amusement at the fact that Derek automatically believed that’s what had happened in the bathroom.  
  
“Mum, Kelly’s feeling a bit funny. Do we think it might be time to head back home?” Jason suggested quietly, gesturing to his girlfriend who did indeed look rather worse for wear.  
  
Cathy looked down at her watch, nodding. “Sounds about right for me anyway. Is everybody alright with that? I don’t mind walking her back if you're all wanting to stay a bit longer."  
  
“Not a chance. I’ll come.” Michael insisted, grabbing his jacket.  
  
“I suppose we’re all going, then.” Pauline huffed as she watched Derek stand up, following his lead.  
  
“You don’t have to walk if you don’t want to, darlin’.” Derek offered, gesturing to his arms.

Pauline blinked back at Derek, without any sign of the impressed expression he seemed to be expecting. “If you’re trying to flex, Derek, nothing’s happening.”

“Can you tell me some of those stories now?” An out-of-it Kelly asked Michael as they left the pub, her arm flopping around his shoulders in a gesture that indirectly told him it was going to be his job to keep her upright on the journey.

Michael looked behind his shoulder at Cathy, who was close by. “I can, but we’ll have to walk faster. If y’ can stand up a bit straighter for me, I think we can manage.” He whispered to Kelly. Slight bribery, but, he didn’t feel so bad given that it was to prevent her from falling flat on her face on the concrete.

“Can do.” Kelly grinned, steadying herself almost instantly.  
  


* * *

 

The walk home felt longer than the walk there for everybody. Michael and Kelly had been leading the way the whole journey, chatting away. Kelly will chat to anyone about anything when sober, never mind drunk, so Cathy wasn't suspicious of how deep in conversation they seemed to be until she was sure she heard her name being shouted in Kelly’s distinctive voice.

Catching up in as subtle of a manner as she could manage, Cathy appeared behind Michael and poked his back. “Oi, I hope you two aren’t talking about me.”

“No, not at all. No way. Don’t worry, Cathy, he definitely did not tell me anything. Nothing. Zilch. Especially not that you vommed all over his jeans _and_ his new shoes once.” Kelly never usually has a filter, so it’s no surprise that nothing changes when a considerable amount of alcohol is involved. “Where’s Jason?”  
  
“Here, babe!” Jason ran over to catch up. “Y’alright? Don’t worry, Michael, i’ve got her.”  
  
Michael passed Kelly over to Jason, stretching his shoulders slightly afterwards. He didn’t realise just how much she’d been relying on him to keep her standing ‘til she let go.  
  
Cathy tugged on Michael’s sleeve, urging him to trail behind Kelly and Jason and walk with her.  
  
“Oooh. Is this where you kill me off down one of the back alleys and get rid of me for good?” He pretended to be frightened, noting the slight glare she was giving him for sharing her drunken stories.

“Do you find joy in reminiscing about me puking my guts up all over your brand new shoes, Mr. Roberts?"

“Uh, of course. Best day of my life, that was.” He teased.  
  
“Yeah, well, it was the worst of mine. I still think-”

“You weren’t spiked, Cath.”

“I barely drank!”

“You also barely _ate_. I can still see you now, walking 'round with some mini sausage rolls and Pringles in your hand and very little else.”

“That does sound familiar…” Cathy grimaced. “Why was it you that had to look after me, anyway? I honestly don’t remember.”  
  
“You wanted some fresh air, Dave was chattin' to someone upstairs I think, so I came with you. We went to sit outside and you said you didn’t feel so good, I asked if you wanted me to go get Dave but you said no. I think you were gonna say you didn’t want to worry him, but then...well-” He trailed off, gesturing to his shoes.  
  
“Sorry.” She murmured apologetically, wrinkling her nose.  
  
“It’s been a fair few years, Cath, I think i’m over it.”  
  
“Sure about that?”  
  
“Nah. Just putting a brave face on. I have nightmares about it every night.”  
  
Cathy laughed, nudging him. Her arm lingered there afterwards, linking with his as they carried on walking the short distance that was left to the house.  
  
Derek and Pauline eventually caught up with them just as they were approaching the house, Derek tapping Cathy's shoulder to get her attention. “Right, we’ve just booked a taxi back - are those two going to hop in or…?”

“No, no. Let them stay here, it’s alright. You two should get back, enjoy the rest of your birthday night. You can come in and wait in the warm til the taxi gets here.” Cathy walked up to the front door and unlocked it, letting everybody inside.

Jason thanked his mum for letting them stay over very quickly before he and Kelly headed upstairs, more than likely because she was minutes away from vomiting. Cathy, Michael, Derek and Pauline stayed chatting in the living room for a bit until their taxi arrived.

Closely followed by Michael, Cathy stood up to see the two off when the taxi arrived and hugged Derek at the doorway.

“We’ll be back in the morning for the car.” Derek told her as they pulled apart, wary of the impatient Pauline nagging him to join her in the taxi.

“You’ll be 'round in the afternoon, Derek, let’s be honest.” She chuckled, patting him on the shoulder. “No rush, OK? Just give me a text when you’re on your way.”

“Will do. Night, Cath. See you, Michael!” He waved at the two of them before rushing off to join Pauline in the taxi.  
  
Cathy breathed a sigh of relief as she shut the door behind Derek, heading into the living room and flopping down onto the sofa. "What a night, ey?"  
  
“Tell me about it. I don’t remember the last time I was that sociable for that long. It’s exhausting.” Michael admitted with a groan, sitting next to her.

They both laughed at how much they were showing their age, shutting their eyes and revelling in the fact they could finally relax.  
  
“Oh! You’ll never guess what happened tonight.” Cathy sat up suddenly, with the urgency of someone who had a riveting story to tell.  
  
“Wait, when?” Michael frowned, puzzled since he’d been with her the whole night and couldn’t imagine when something might have happened without his knowledge.

“You know when I went for a wee and I said Pauline was complaining about my hair?”

“Oh, yeah. What was that all about?”

“No, that’s the thing! Nothing. That’s not even what happened. I just said that because she didn’t want me to tell anyone what actually went on.”

“You’re starting to make this sound a bit dodgy now-” He quirked a brow.

“Oh, behave _._ ” She whacked his chest. “I _mean_ , she didn’t actually do or say anything nasty. For once. We had...a bit of a heart to heart, I think?”  
  
“No way.”  
  
“Yes way. She told me i’m selfless - which, granted, she did say wasn’t a compliment - and she gave me advice...honestly Michael, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”  
  
“Advice on what?"  
  
“Oh, erm…” She’d forgotten this wasn’t really a conversation she should be having with Michael. Always so used to telling him everything, it just felt so normal to feedback on what happened with Pauline. “Well you, actually. Us."  
  
“Yeah?” There's a subtle but visible smile on Michael's face when he hears Cathy say 'us', as if he likes the way it sounds.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Huh. What’d she say? You should ship me off to Spain?”  
  
“Surprisingly not, but after your antics tonight i’m seriously deliberating it.” She teased. “No, she said- well she suggested I talk to Jason. Properly talk to him, about everything. It’s not that I don’t know that it’s what I need to do..”  
  
“But it’s hard. I understand, you know that."

“It sort of helped, though, you know. Talking to her. I don’t know why, it just- she said some quite nice things that really made me think.” She frowned, remembering Pauline's insistence that she could afford to be just a  _little_ bit selfish for once.

“You know it’s been a boozy night when you’re using the adjective ‘nice’ in a sentence about Pauline.”

“God, I know. It’s all a bit much, isn't it? I think I need to sleep it off.” She grabbed a blanket from by the side of the sofa, yawning as she started getting herself comfortable. “I don’t know about you but I don’t feel like conquering those stairs, so i'm staying here. You can have my bed if you want to.”

“You’re joking, aren’t you? This sofa is my best friend. I should be kickin’ _you_ off.”

“My house, my sofa.” She murmured sleepily, getting cosy under the blanket.

“Well...when i’m drunk and in the mood to smash digital photo frames, it’s _mine_.” He joked, referencing the last time he wound up on her sofa after a few drinks.  
  
She chuckled, her head unconsciously moving to rest on his shoulder as she pointed to the new digital photo frame on the mantelpiece. “Well, see, I've got a replacement there, so maybe I _need_ to stay just to make sure you don’t ruin that one as well.”

“It’s probably for the best, aye. Can’t promise what’ll happen otherwise.” He teased, taking the other edge of the blanket so that it was draped around them both.

“Goodnight, Michael.” Cathy whispered.

“Night, Cath.” He murmured quietly, his arm shifting gently to drape around her as they drifted off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats if you got through this, lmao! I can babble for England and have a tendency to always want to feature side characters in my fics, so I apologise if you wanted the balance between Cathy and Michael and everybody else to be weighted differently. This is my first contribution to the almost non-existent pool of Mum fic and I have drafted more pieces which do focus primarily on Cathy and Michael, so if this wasn't to your taste hopefully those will be! Anyway, apologies in advance if my writing is rusty as it's been three years since I last published a fic and it took me 824748 years to pluck up the courage to finish and post one lmao. Feedback is always appreciated!


End file.
